In my last role, I was lucky to have a boss with whom I could be transparent. When these big thoughts about what I really wanted in life started filling my brain, I opened up to him and explained how I was feeling: tired, stressed, overwhelmed, spread thin, unwell. He encouraged me to take care of myself – take time off, exercise, eat well, get enough sleep, etc. In so many words, I shared with him that I wasn’t sure I could keep at this pace any longer (i.e. continue working for the company in my same role, or at all).
He mostly let me talk but shared this with me: you are who you are; you’ll work at this pace no matter what job or company you’re with – it’s just who you are.
Was he right?
The short answer is yes.
I’m a procrastinator through and through. I run late to everything. I’m unorganized at times. All of that is true whether I am working full time or staying home with the kids.
I put 110% into whatever I’m working on. I care about my responsibilities. I value having peace in my life. All of that is true whether I am working full time or staying home with the kids.
Before I quit, I had people telling me things like:
“It’s going to be a big adjustment.”
“Give yourself a year to really understand what it’s like to stay at home. Don’t take anything else on until you get past the year mark.”
“Are you ready for this?”
I wasn’t sure what to think. I wasn’t sure I was ready for the change, but I was sure that I was tired of obsessing over it, and if I blocked everything out, it was what we wanted.
My last day in the office was emotional. I was sad to leave the team that I loved (truly), and I felt a little self-doubt on whether it was the right time to leave. It was weird to pack up eight years of random items that I had collected and carry them out in a cardboard box and paper bags. Some might have called it trash 😉 Love you, Fallon.
I had close relationships with my co-workers, and it hurt my heart to know that we wouldn’t spend time together every day. How many times does something happen to you, and your co-workers are the first people you think about to tell? “I can’t wait to tell ________ about XYZ when I get into work!” It happened to me daily – I was lucky.
Walking out for the last time was weird.
And then I woke up the next day in my new reality. And it felt lighter; it felt right.
I’m not foolish enough to think I will always feel this way. There are ebbs and flows to life, and I like to ride those waves and see where they take me. I could wake up six months from now and decide I can’t stand not working full-time.
And if that happens, I’ll go out and get myself a badass job.